We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
