If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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