He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
