how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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