fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
