pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
