So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
