Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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