I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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