im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
