and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
As shirtless as possible
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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