i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think people are normalizing furries
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
