So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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