just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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