I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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