They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
