just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
