Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
