If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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