Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
