Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
