i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize