areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
