i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize