Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
