I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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