I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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