You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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