my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
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