this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
