I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
