Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
