I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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