Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
