Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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