I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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