Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
