is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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