I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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