Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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