there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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