Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize