I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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