Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
