I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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