Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
