i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize