The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize