You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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