I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
