My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
