My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
