You work out of a Hotel?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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