i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
