Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
