i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone signed my nipple.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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