He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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