we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
