I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
