he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
